Romantics Anonymous

I watched a romantic comedy tonight.  Romantics Anonymous.  A really cute French Rom-Com.  These two chocolate makers are extremely "emotional".  Not emotional in the way that we think of it being, all weepy and nonsensical all the time.  No, rather they are "emotional" in that they are afraid of falling in love and being intimate with someone in the way that two people in love are intimate.  They know completely and fully the other person and love them because of their faults and missteps.  The way that everyone wants to be with someone.  Well, normal people and not psychopaths at least.  It is romantic and I fell in love with it immediately.  

   

As previously noted here, I am a romantic.  A full-blown romantic with a terrible secret.  I am afraid of a lot of things, most especially of falling in love.  I am, truly.  All my whining about my current relationship, about the feelings that I felt and all my worries about THE BOYFRIEND and not wanting to fuck it up is evidence of this fact.  

Angelique and Jean-Rene are exactly how I feel when it comes to love.  The "hot" feeling, I don't know what to do with; the talking to anybody makes me so shy and embarrassed.  I have learned how to hide it well.  My best friend says that she can see my heart on my sleeve.  But then again I have known her since I was in 4th or 5th grade.  It's kinda hard not to be open with someone when you have known them so long.  I am not so much the epitome of shy that they are, however.  

And then there's THE BOYFRIEND.  He says the same thing, too.  He just seems to know what I'm feeling a lot of the times.  He is a boy, don't get me wrong, and doesn't know how females think.  But, nonetheless, he still gets me.  And that is ... extremely scary sometimes.  

The end of the movie was about taking risks, letting yourself take risks in love and in life.  I took a risk in opening myself up to the possibily of somethiing more and I am completely happy with my result.  I am not talking jobs, now.  I am talking about how happy I am to be in love with this man I share my life with now.  And for those of you out there who are still afraid to fall in love, to take that risk like I was, don't be.  Don't be afraid.  Heartbreak sucks.  I know that more than most.  But I trundle on towards something, continuously.  

It's been awhile...

... Since I've last been on here.  Things haven't really changed.  I mean, I have changed a little.  I've learned to just accept the "big sister" thing that THE BOYFRIEND has for a friend.  I mean, it is just a friendship.  I must say that I act the same way with one male friend of my own.  So, I really can't blame him.  But other than that, just trying to take life by the shoulder pads and pushing forward to something new and .. "fashionable"?  (Eh, I was just trying to go with the shoulder pads analogy.  Don't think it worked."

Feeling Super-crabby

I don't know if he is pushing my buttons because he's lazy or if I'm just super PMSing this time.  Whatever is the cause, it needs to quit it, yesterday.  I'm up, I'm down.  I'm pissy, I'm fine.  All in the matter of a minutes time or thereabouts.  And THE BOYFRIEND, WHY does he do things because he wants to, when he wants to?  It doesn't make sense.  It's somewhat childish and narcissistic.

And the whole "big sister" thing he has with the woman he brought to the Christmas Party, I'm a little jealous about.  I get it.  I really do.  But why can't he be like that with me?  It's not that he's going to have a "thing" with her.  Just that he doesn't really act like that with me.  That he has to be around her and be all excited.  I should feel happy that I get to see a side of him that he doesn't really show to too many people.  That he doesn't hide his emotions from me the way he does to other people.  So why am I not?

It's almost 8 months in and why am I feeling/thinking like this now?  He hasn't changed one bit.  He's always been this way.  And it hasn't bothered me before.  Which leads me to believe that I'm just being super Cancer-ish right now.  Super crabby, super moody.  All over imaginative faults and imaginative hurts perpetrated by THE BOYFRIEND.  Which is completely irrational of me to behave this way.  I need to stop.