Irrational Heartbreak

Heartbreak never felt like this before.  Yes, I have had breakups where I am sad and very lonely for a while.  But it's never been so bittersweet, and so confusing; and feeling angry about it is so irrational to me.  No, we did not breakup.  We are still dating each other and quite happy together.  RIGHT NOW.  I asked him about the possibility of a long distance relationship, if one of our careers took us to a different city.  And he told me that he is not going to be in one.  The last one he tried didn't work out so well.  Okay, the girl cheated on him.  I wanna tell him,

"Look, jackass.  Just because this girl couldn't keep it in her pants doesn't mean that I can't."

He could just not trust himself and/or myself that either of us are going to keep in it our pants.  So, the idea that at some point we are not going to be together, that I am wasting my time being with him really grates me.  And there are two possible ways that I can approach this oncoming anger that I have over what I am feeling.

1. I can just really lay into him, tell him exactly how I feel; that Goddamn it, I haven't felt like this with someone in a long time, that being with him is the best thing ever in the world, that I think that trying to make this relationship work is worth the distance.  And that if he doesn't feel like that with me, then we should just get the heartbreak over with now.  So that I can deal with it now, instead of later.
2. I can be really passive aggressive about the whole thing.  Just act like nothing is bothering me, but also have a bit of an attitude until he finally asks me what the problem is and I say that I am hurt, and angry over the irrationality of this hurt.  That I wanted him to want to give it a shot, instead of saying no to the possibility, that I mean as much to him as he does to me.  That's irrational because it hasn't actually happened yet, that I kinda knew that this is what the situation was going to be but decided to be blind about it as long as possible.  And then I finally get over it, after about a day or so of being broody and all emo; and enjoy our time together no matter how long it is. 

Neither of those are probably going to happen.  I'm most likely just going to sit and brew over this for a while.  I was falling heavily for him and now it's a dead fucking stop, in mid-air.  This hurt is bad.  Take it away Mississippi Gary...

OH, so two days in a row I have been dry and NOT able to get wet.  Exactly!  What in the hell is wrong with me?  Well, both times I had been thinking about this problem (see above) and feeling the way that I did really impacted me a lot.  Also, I had gotten REALLLY high right before hand.  So, that could be it.  All I know is that there is a position open in my hometown that I WAS waffling over applying for.  But I am now applying for it.  It was posted Jan 9.  It might be a little late, but it says that it is still open.  It is for a higher hourly rate, and at the local community college, which I absolutely love that college.  But we'll see if I even get an interview.  I gotta rip that band aid off sooner rather than later, the band aid holding and mending my insecurities and previous broken hearts.  That band aid is called THE BOYFRIEND.  And if he doesn't think that I'm worth the effort, then fuck him.  I AM.

See?  I'm getting irrationally angry over it already.  I'm not even sure if I want him to meet my parents, if we are just going to not give it a try in the end.

I'm not sure what I want to do, where I want to go from here, how I want to act when he's around.  Whether I should give up my whole heart to him, or keep it hid.  All I know for certain right now, is that I'm hurting, bad, and it hasn't even happened yet.