It's been awhile...

... Since I've last been on here.  Things haven't really changed.  I mean, I have changed a little.  I've learned to just accept the "big sister" thing that THE BOYFRIEND has for a friend.  I mean, it is just a friendship.  I must say that I act the same way with one male friend of my own.  So, I really can't blame him.  But other than that, just trying to take life by the shoulder pads and pushing forward to something new and .. "fashionable"?  (Eh, I was just trying to go with the shoulder pads analogy.  Don't think it worked."



I have a drawer now!!  A real, smallish drawer with which I can keep some clothes for when I stay over.  It's not fully moved in, but it is a start.  I'm already picking out paint for our bedroom.  Yes.  I'm nesting.  I decide on a color combo then, I see something else I like better and can't make up my mind.  I just need to take what I have so far and just GO with it.  STOP being so INDECISIVE!  I have little bits of the room painted in swatches.  I know I (we) want two shades of gray (not 50! don't start with me on that piece of crap) and know where we want to put it.  It's just I see so many tones of gray that I like and I can't decide whether Puddle will look good or Fashion Gray or Elephant Skin or Intellectual or ... etc.  I know I'm using Behr paints, so you can go there and check out all the grays and tell ME which ones I should use.  It can't be too dark, like a black, but not too light either.  I think if we paint it in gray tabby with cat stripes, Trillian (the cat) is going to think that we can't find her.  Maybe we won't.  But it'll be funny to see her reaction to everything that is going to change in the next few months.  Maybe if we do it slowly, she won't notice...

The cat is busy licking herself right now.  No, seriously.  She's got her legs stretched out straight in front of her, all taut and high in the air, and licking "down there".  She's a weird cat.  And she barely puts up with my continued presence now.  Progress.

Sunday night, THE BOYFRIEND didn't have to go to work for the Monday a.m. show.  He took the day off.  We went down to The Tavern, he got me really loaded, bought me a half-shot of Jack and three beers, and he himself got pretty loaded (apparently/according to him).  We left around midnight, cause we were both really tired (and horny).  We get into when we get back home.  So, I'm on top of him, doing my thing, when he says, for whatever reason,

"How much is this going to cost me?"
"WHAT?!"
"A hotel room." 

DOUBLE WHAT!!!?  Needless to say we did no more of the sexy time that night.  I started breathing really heavily, and then starting to cry.  When I was breathing extremely heavily through my nose, he decides to ask me,

"Why are breathing like that?
"Because I'm pissed."
"Why?"
"Because of what you said."
"What did I say?
"YOU asked me how much this was going to cost?"

It was here that I decided to cry and basically without warning or even slowly, get off of him and lay down besides him and bury myself beneath the covers.  However, he knew what to do, instead of being a complete boy and be completely ignorant of what is going on.  THE BOYFRIEND gathered me into his arms and held me close and just tried his best to calm me down.  Well, thinking back on it now, he kinda knew what to do.  I mean, for some reason he thought I was having a breakdown about THE EX, not him.  Which understandably, it came from my dealings with THE EX when we were still together.  THE BOYFRIEND told me that he would always protect me and never let any harm come to me if he could help it.  It was comforting in that I knew he meant it.

He drifted off into sleep a few minutes after that.  And I went to go throw up in the bathroom.  Yeah, Jack and beer should never mix in my belly.  Luckily, I didn't wake up the next morning completely hung over and feeling absolutely squishy.  I told him what he said last night, and he just laughed about it because he was incredibly uncomfortable about it and didn't know what/why he said what he said.  He didn't say that he was uncomfortable about it, but I can just tell by experience now what is going on inside his head.  It's weird how that happens.  How I can just know what is going on with him.  Sometimes.

He told me not to tell anybody what went on.  NO. ONE.  So, mum's the word, eh?  Good.

Tuesday, he told me that at 2 a.m. it hit him that the reason he said that was 1) we were watching Mad Men eps in which Don has prostitutes and 2) he was drunk and tired.  1+2= 3) the most awful of things to say to your GIRLFRIEND while she is on top of you trying her hardest to make you cum.  I'm not sure I buy it, but whatever, it's past.  I know he didn't mean it.  It certainly didn't hurt things when I was earlier in the evening of the night in question wondering seriously if he was hiding something from me.

What do I mean by that?  OH, I saw him text and delete several messages to somebody, probably his best friend forever.  It was the deleting of the messages that really got me questioning if he was hiding something from me.  Like he thought that I was reading text messages on his phone.  Why would I do that?  I have no provocation to do such a thing.  Well, had no provocation.  No, I'm not going to go reading his text messages now.  But it's the principle of the matter, really.  

No reason for putting that in here.  I just really like it.

Well, time to make the coffee for THE BOYFRIEND.  And then wake him up.  Like clockwork, my life.  Something needs to happen so that it's not.