Another nightmare

Friday night, I woke up from a terrible dream I had about THE BOYFRIEND.  In it he continually abandoned me.  He left me to go downtown to a bar where a band was playing.  I followed him there.  When I got there he went up on the stage to play the keyboard, and then a guitar.  A baby blue Fender Telecaster, just like my EX's guitar.  In fact, in my dream it was his guitar.  Am I starting to fear that THE BOYFRIEND is going to be just like him, thereby ruin me and my psyche for years to come?  Maybe.

Back to the dream.  After strapping on the guitar, he takes it off and goes outside for a smoke with the band.  He has again disappeared, this time into my car.  I see him and get into the front passenger because some dude is in the driver's seat.  We start driving, towards the water, and go through a tunnel.  The dude that's driving isn't really driving.  He has taken his hands of the wheel, and I'm yelling at him to hit the brakes, which he does drunkenly.  THE BOYFRIEND is in the backseat just smiling and laughing away.

I am roughly awoken from my dream by THE BOYFRIEND (the in person one, not my dream one).  I yell out at him,

"No!"
"No, what?"
"I haven't gotten any sleep and I just had a bad dream.  A very bad dream.  You kept abandoning me."
"I'm not going where.  I'm right here."

He held me as I told him my dream and as I teared up a little bit.  I went back to sleep for about another hour before I had to wake up and go to work. When I did, he comforted me again, telling me that he wasn't going anywhere.

"I'm sorry that I have issues.  But I'm happy that you are staying with me."

These damn issues are really starting to affect me.  Like I've said before, I wish I could be sure that he isn't going to hurt me.  Only two things can actually make that fear disappear with a certainty, and both of them are more sci-fi than reality.  

I've thought a lot about it since Friday night.  He says he's not going anywhere, and he hasn't lied to me yet.  So, why don't I believe him?  Why am I putting my past issues on him, when I haven't previously done so in other relationships?  What makes it so hard to put away my past with this one?  I'm not afraid of committing to him.  Maybe it's that feeling in me that because he is so special to me and so good to me, that I don't want it to end.  And the thought of it ending is really too much to handle.  All this thinking that it may end because he decides that in the end I'm not good enough for him.  I mean, he doesn't want to put a definite on commitment.  So, how will I know?

I'm not going to sabotage it and bail before he bails on me.  I'm not going to be a "'fraidy cat" and call it quits.  I'm going to keep on going.  Yes, I'll still have my scared moments.

But for right now, there isn't anyone else I'd rather spend my life with than him.  And that's why I'll stay.  Because he's perfect for me.