Better, maybe

Alright, so after all that happened previously I think that things between THE BOYFRIEND and I haven't gotten back to normal.  Maybe.



Here's what happened today that kinda makes me think otherwise.  I get home from my exam (which I passed) and he and I are laying around naked cause it's hot and wearing clothes is so cumbersome.  He has on the soundtrack from That Thing You Do; so we're screwing and he just cannot keep it up.  At first it was because the wrong music was playing in the back ground.  Not sure why, but Lovin You Lots and Lots wasn't doing it for him.  When he told me that the song just wasn't doing it for him, I laughed really hard about it.  "It's not funny", he said.  "Yes it is!", and I laughed harder.  So we break for a bit, change the song, get some water and go at it again.  This time I'm on top and there it goes again.  He can't keep it up.  At this point, I'm wondering,

"Is it me?  Am I not doing it for you anymore?"
"No, it is not you.  Trust me."
"Well, maybe it's the fact that you are teasing your dick by not using a condom, then putting one on.  Like, you're confusing it."

NOT sure if that is valid argument for this problem but maybe, who knows.  I just let him know that it doesn't matter to me, that something must be troubling him, i.e. he is worried about something.  Which I certainly think that is the cause.  The only other times he has had trouble was when he was mentally worried/stressed about something.   I tried to talk to him to see if it was something like that.

"No, I'm not worried about anything except what's going on 'downstairs'."

We hung out for a few minutes, he was obviously still troubled by his "dysfunction".  But I didn't say anything more about it.  So, that he could see that it really didn't bother me all that much.  I remember that he looked at me, kinda concerned like and all I was thinking in my head was, "What if he isn't attracted to me anymore?"  I think that he could tell that I was thinking that, or something similar.  While I'm on my back, he starts rubbing my back and then my butt, trying to get turned on himself.  I also felt him stroking himself, trying to get hard again, which he does.  So, we have sex.  Within a few minutes, he pulls out again and directs me to finish him off orally.  Which I do.

"Feel better now?"
"Yeah, actually, I feel a lot better." with a smile. "You?"
"Yep, I feel great."

Which is kinda wrong in that I didn't finish, but I'm not about to tell him that.  He asks me like a minute later if I did or not.  I still told him I did.

"Good.  It would suck to go through all that and you have nothing to came out of it."

And here I am, THE BOYFRIEND is asleep on my bed and I'm still thinking if my err is still troubling him or not.  Things have been good.  Some might say great even.  He's come over every morning once he has gotten out of the station.  And he's either stayed the night a few times, or like saturday night, came up to stay with me overnight.  Like the friday before my err, he came up at like midnight, we'd have sex and then go to bed.  We've been happy, no real problems.  Saturday I did have an outburst about a really trivial thing.  I apologized for the outburst and I was worried that he might be thinking that I might not be as "great" as he originally thought.  (Maybe that is what was affecting him.)

OH, Friday he came over after his shift because I had plans.  Like serious plans to go see Cabin In the Woods with him that afternoon as a matinee movie.  But when he came over, he passed out cold for four hours.  Which by the time he woke up, I only had a few minutes til I needed to leave in order to go to the worksource place then go to class.  When I told him all this, he replies with,

"I'm such a plan ruiner.  You had wanted to go see the movie today but I fall asleep."

Poor guy felt so bad about that.  He knows how much of a Joss Whedon fan I am, like bordering Fan-girl here.  But I wasn't all that angry about it; I mean, he works really hard on the overnight shift, writing/producing a two-hour morning news show.  I can't fault him for passing out as soon as he gets into my nice, comfy bed.  (He really likes my bed, btw).  Still haven't seen it.  Grrrrrr

Well, he wants to see if we can go get waffles before he has to go to work.  But I'm not sure if he'll wake up in time.  I'd have to wake him up in like an ... hour and a half in order for him to be up and out in enough time to get waffles before he has to be at work at 10:30.  It's always a bitch to get him out of bed.  He does not like waking up.  Not that I do, however, I just am wired to waking up differently, quicker.  He likes his sleep; he sleeps adorably, mind you.  I hate waking him up early.

EDIT update:  So, THE BOYFRIEND left for work like around 10:15.  We didn't go get waffles, like I suspected that we would be able to.  HOWEVER, he did send me a text a second ago:

"Thanks for being amazing.  I love you."

This boy is confusing.  I really wish I could tell what is going on inside his head.  Don't get me wrong, I love him to death.  Seriously.  I'm sure you all can tell.  BUT maybe I put more importance on looks and actions than actually needed.  I can tell you one thing.  He certainly levels me out, when I freak out/get nervous about something.  For someone to do that, that person has got to be something special.  And I'm glad I found that something special.