Oy, I'm going to need a few days off for this one.

A few things before I pass out from sheer exhaustion.

THE BOYFRIEND finally read my draft of the graphic novel I've been writing for over a year.  When he told me that he read it, it was so matter of factually and no opinion on it whatsoever.  I got a little agitated, nervous.

"So, I ready your thing.  And wrote down some notes."
"You wrote down notes.  Huh.  That's not really helping me right now, with what you thought of it."

I guess he could tell that I was feeling weird about what he said because I was fidgeting with my Kindle Fire.  He stood up from the bench, walked over so that he was right in front of me.  I couldn't look him in the eye.

"Joan, put the Kindle down.  Put the Kindle down.  I liked it.  Needs some work, but overall I liked it.  And I understand now.""You understand what?"Whispering to me now, "More about you.  Why you are the way you are now.  What you went through.""You get it now?""I do.  And I love you.  No one should have to go through what you did."

And from that discussion, we became closer.  If that was possible.  He held me close, and we just stayed there like that for a few minutes.

I read the notes that he gave me.  Just what I expected from him.  Critical, but not bad criticism.  Constructive.  It seems I need a little bit more detail in the story, flesh out the timelines and story more.  When he got to the part where he came into my life, he had issues with the way that I wrote him.  It's more that a) I hadn't finished writing out our story yet, and b) my personal memories of how things went, versus how he remembered things.  A few things are correct, like when I asked him if he was my boyfriend.  I asked him while we were laying in bed, but when I wrote it, I put down that we were outside, and that it was after he asked me on our first date.  However, he believes that I asked him over that first time with the specific intention of sleeping with him that first time, when in actuality I was unsure up until the time that I actually made the first move.  I need to put that in there somehow, that I was unsure because I was afraid of losing my heart again.



Oh and he also read something that I didn't really want him to read just yet.  My fault for not taking it off of his copy.  This is what he read:

Outside earlier, I had mentioned to him,

"I hope that this new thing, this new job works out well for me."

"It will. And soon you will get your new certification and be making a shit load of money."

"I don't know if I can do that. If it is in me."

"Sure it is. YOU have a much better head for technology than I do. YOU went out and did all this, on your own. You CAN do this. I know you can."

It was at this moment, this moment when he declared his optimism in my skills, my ability, my ... self that I knew that I wanted to be with him. For as long as our lives last. (! you weren't actually supposed to read this, but now that you have... IDK. It's just something that I felt, something that is very true to me. Whether it happen or not, i'll deal with it then.) Because he believes in me. True. Because he considers himself to be the luckiest man on earth when he is with me. True. Because I've found what everyone looks for. True? Whether they believe it or not, they are.

His responses are in red, mine back to him are in purple.  You should remember this from an earlier post.  This one.  Waiting for him to read it again.  

He left for work before I read his notes.  I didn't want to read it in front of him.  Felt kinda rude and embarrassing mixed to do so.  I wanted to wait until after I got home from work, and he's asleep. 

Which brings up the second thing.  He called me at 5 a.m., asking me to come pick him up because he was too sick to drive.  THE BOYFRIEND hadn't stopped vomiting since 2 a.m., and left work early.  He couldn't make it home, it was too difficult.  So... I did. 

I tried my best to take care of him before I had to go to work. I was going to be 1/2 hour late as it was.  BUT he ended up going to the hospital because he couldn't keep anything down.  NOTHING.  Poor boy was sick as sin.  And still is, despite having taken medicine.  He was doing better today.  Until I tried to give him something to eat, that wasn't dry cereal or broth.  Unsalted saltine crackers and heavy fruit juice.  

I'm worried sick about him.  I've been up since 4 a.m. this morning.  I'm exhausted, but he needs me.  I'm going to go see if he's asleep, and I can crash too.