Words vs. Actions

Somebody said something to me last night that has really gotten me thinking today.  We were discussing marriage and the whole symbol behind it, whether or not it's a religious one or simply a politcal one or even just a spiritual symbol.  I blatantly said that I don't want to get married and that if I wanted to stay with someone my entire life, I don't need a marriage to have that right/privilege.  I personally don't need to prove my love and my fidelity to other people.  I agree the possibility of marriage should be equal for everybody.  THE BOYFRIEND and I agree on this issue.  And it isn't even about making sure that he (or I for that matter) stay true to one another.  Honestly, people cheat in relationships all the time and it's no less worse than if that person were married to someone.  But yes, I am a romantic.  A true romantic.  I want love and devotion and the knowledge that what I feel for somebody is returned to me.  I will do anything for my love, not to win it or to make sure I keep it.  To express my deepest emotions in some other way than in words.

“It's not what I do, but the way I do it. It's not what I say, but the way I say it.” - Mae West

Words mean nothing. Action is the only thing. Doing. That's the only thing. - Ernest Gaines

I learned those lessons a long time ago, and never shall I forget them.

However, today I was imagining what would happen if someday I do want to get married.  And not for legal ramifications either.  But for a commitment.  For something that my heart can grasp onto and know that love is waiting for me when I get home from work, or to know that someone will be beside me when I need it.  To smooth out my ruffled feathers when I get too overthinky.  And for me to be that somebody to someone.  I want that.  But do I need a marriage to have that?  I already do.  What other kind of commitment is there in life?  I'm not looking to have children, to  start a family, to settle down somewhere.  That was for my parents.  Not for me.  And I'm not even sure if I'll follow THE BOYFRIEND if he goes back to Ft. Lauderdale.  South Florida (or even Florida) really isn't me.  And he loves it down there.  Not that he has really gone many places like I have.

No, I'm not doubting or over-thinking.  I know what is, right now.  And that is what all I can be prepared for.  Not the distant future.  Right now, I'm not worried about my relationship.  I'm only worried about how many hours I'll be getting as a part-time computer repair person.  Gotta make ends meet.  THE BOYFRIEND and I have the same interests, overall goals out of life, the same feeling that our time together hasn't run out yet.  We work well together.  I can't deny that.  I push him when he needs to be pushed, and he smoothes me over.  He treats me like a human being and I don't treat him like he is a child that needs to be scolded.  Our other friends see what we have and that it is special and true.  Hell, I'm still pretty sure they saw it before we both did.

Enough waxing poetic and waning intelligence.  Time to finish folding the laundry.