Foot meet mouth, AGAIN

THE BOYFRIEND and I moved about half of his stuff today, before we collapsed from exhaustion.  The work day was hard and we both had gotten very little sleep the night before.  In fact, I let him have my keys to my house (he couldn't get in, stupid locks!), and when I got off work, we both slept hard for about 3 hours.  Woke up, layed around and had leftover christmas dinner.  He told me while we were laying around,

"You're so good to me."

This means so much to me.  I've never heard that before. 

"I could say the same thing about you."

When we got down to St. Augustine, it was after 3.  Before we packed up, lots of touching and kissing.  I went down on him, because of the bodily sabotage.  He came really fast. He must have been hurting to cum for awhile.  I wonder if he masturbated while I was gone.  Probably.   When does a guy NOT masturbate when he's got no one to fuck?  Got the bed, cat and food over.  Smoked some with his roommates, then settled down to sleep.  Except we didn't.  Kissing ensued.  Hot and heavy, dirty.  It was sooooo good.  I was really horny and really dying to orgasm.  I consented to sex.  It was great, but not the best.  Alright.  I mean, we both were we high.  So why wasn't it amazing?  Ok, so THE BOYFRIEND came.  What happened next, never happened to me before.  He's still there, inside me, when he starts moving again.  And he cums, again?  It wasn't even a minute after the 1st time, and he's already ready for the second!  Or, he didn't cum and he just finished what he started.  I don't know.  NOW is when my foot met my mouth.  We're lying there, he's still inside me, on top of me.  I'm feeling really, really happy right then. 

"I'm crazy about you. But not in that stalkerish, obsessive way."

Pause.

"I like you."

I like you.  WHAT?  Did I read the signs wrong yet again, as I so often do?  It's dark, he can't see my face.  I'm quiet, my right hand just comes up to my face and rests between my eyes, like what the fuck did I just say?  I'm such an idiot.  And I say that. 

"I'm sorry.  I'm such an idiot.  I shouldn't have said that."
"Shit happens.  That's usually the stance I take on things."

This just sends me deeper down the rabbit hole of my overthinking mind.  DEEP down the rabbit hole.

"Dude, it's not like I love you."
"That's not what you said."
"I know.  I just didn't know what connotation you were taking."
"But that's not what you said."
"Nevermind.  I'm an idiot.  I'm gonna go to the bathroom now."
"You are overthinking again."
"I told you I live inside my head so much."
"Yeah, but this is me saying you are overthinking things.  That's something."

I come back from the bathroom and I'm still overthinking about it.  I lie down to sleep, except that I can't; my head can't come off of the subject of my big fucking mouth.  But I took some sleep aid, and I disappear inside my unconscious and dreams.  His alarm went off, but I didn't hear it.  He did.  That's how deep I was.  He never hears it.  It's usually me that wakes him up.  We get dressed and leave.  No cuddling time, no sweetness.  NO time really.  Snoozed the alarm twice.  We drive back to Jax to get my car for work.  There's enough time before I have to leave, so we cuddle a little bit on my bed.  Alright.  Not too bad.  I was overthinking things.  It's 11:40p, I have to get to work.  Outside, by our cars, I just say,

"I'll see you later."
"Um, yeah."

No, kissing goodbyes.  At work, I ask this guy friend of mine that I trust to give me the straight and narrow when it comes to shit like this.  HIS explanation was:

"Oh you're fine.  He was high, he just came.  He was just stuck in his head, the explosions from the orgasm are still going off in his head.  He was enjoying that.  You're lucky you got 'I like you."

That made me feel sooooo much better.  When he gets there around 12:40a, we go out for a smoke.  BS, but no light kissing like so many times, or even a nice long one.  It's just straight, BSing and a head on my shoulder.  I'm back inside the rabbit hole.  And that is the where I am now.  Alice in Fucking Wonderland.  I started to pull away, back at my place.  I didn't stop to kiss him goodbye, just "See you later."  I. Like. You.  Who knew that those three words could be such a fucking downer.  Nothing is what it is because everything is what it isn’t; down the rabbit hole I go.  Fucking up another Fucking great relationship because I can't keep my fucking mouth closed!!!   DIDN'T I LEARN!?

Update:  Since NY resolution is to not worry so much and to stay out of my own head as often as this year, I"m just going to let it go.  Or try to.  Only thing, haven't gotten a txt from him (he could be busy, we are working now), or a knock on my door since 1am (again, he could be busy).  I'm overthinking again, worrying too much.  This next year is going to be tough.