Worry less

I don't know why I worry so much.  Especially with THE BOYFRIEND.  I already know him to be the extraordinary person that he is.  Like I said, NY resolution:  worry less.  By the end of my shift, life just ground out my last leg. I invited THE BOYFRIEND to come over after his shift;  I was totally just going to do nothing all day and listen to angry, angry music.  (if the system fucks you, fuck the system back!)  He did, and also helped me with my car.  I had locked my keys in the car, and was about to pay for a lock pop.  He used his AAA membership to get my lock popped, for free.  We listened to angry music, got high.  Fucked. And omg, THAT was fucking amazing.  His hands were around my throat, too.  Yes, I'm freaky when it comes to things, but I also admitted my freaky side in the beginning!  But then he took them off, and I didn't say anything, but was slightly disappointed.  Flipping over and finishing.  Sex is definitely something we are phenomenal at together.  THE BOYFRIEND, later, said to me,

"There are rare times that I don't see the whites of your eyes."

He had that look on his face too.  Eyes and mouth WIDE open, supreme surprise and excitement on his face. You know, the part WOW, part what the fuck just happened.  We put our clothes back on, once we could force ourselves to move again.  Went out for a smoke.  Chatted.  I told him,

"I hope this doesn't change things, but..."

Yeah that's a great way to start a sentence.  Especially after a round of fantastic sex.

"...when you had your hands around my throat like you did, ... I liked it."

So, now he knows that I like getting ... interesting.  I think it went well.  Don't remember his response, because hey, I was/am high.  Sometime after that, we are kissing.  He chooses then to say the following,

"I'm crazy about you." 

I laugh softly and just said,

"Me too." 

Hey, he already knows I feel the same.  He laughed also.

"You were so cute when you reacted like that last night."
"Hey! You didn't know what was going through my mind then!"
"Neither did you."
"Yeah, ... I know."

was my rather sheepish response.  After that we laid in my bed, cuddling and kissing softly, sleeping some. There wasn't a need for the angry music anymore; the sex and the smoke totally obliterated the need. But he had to leave; needed food and to move the rest of his stuff.  I kinda feel bad about not being there with him to help move, but I think he understood my position today.

OH I was so worried, and it turned out to be really nothing.  Trusting my instincts is such a bad idea, because obviously my instincts SUCK.