OH what a day can do!

The BOYFRIEND came over today after his shift. I had an appointment in St. Augustine and he was gonna drive me down there and then back up for work. This is the big news that I'm sure all my friends (and possibly you the reader) will be surprised -slightly- to hear. We're lying in my bed, just enjoying each other's company like normal. We start kissing and it gets heavy; that's normal, right? He stops for a moment, looks at me, and says,

"I don't come over here just to have sex. I come over because I like hanging out with you. You know, that right?"

I look at him quizzically. WHICH prompts the following from him,

"It's not that I don't like having sex with you; it's great! I just wanted you to know that isn't the only thing I want from you."
"There was a time in which I was questioning that, but, eh, I just stopped thinking about it and let it be what it is."

We didn't have sex in the end; we spent the day together, without having sex once. That's right, folks. You heard it here first. We didn't have sex. Instead it was sweet kissing, hand holding and cuddling. And it was a very good day.

As we were on the way out the door, his cat, a female grey and white tabby, gives me a glare.  Completely squinty eyed, "I'm gonna cut a bitch if you go near him" glare.  It throws me off a bit, like

"HOLY shit!  Your cat is not liking me at the moment."

The BOYFRIEND just walks over to her, pets her grey fur and says,

"Yeah I know you're angry I'm spending time with another woman instead of you.  Tough!"

I laugh loudly at this, and we head out the door back to my house. 


Right before I head into work, my head against his chest, I comment,

"How did I get so lucky?
"Well, you came to the Christmas party."
"And I only did, because you called me out!"

I look at myself in the mirror and wonder why he finds me so attractive. Well, I'm not horribly unattractive, I just don't find myself "hot" as he says I am. And most guys don't really like my "whatever" stance on the world and life, but he really enjoys my attitude. It seems to fall in line with my astrological chart, Cancer with a Rising and Moon sign in Sagittarius. The meaning of the moon sign is below (you can skip ahead; it wont hurt my feelings):

Melancholic, accepting, and passive character.
On the day and at the time of your birth, the Moon was in the sign of Sagittarius. You have the soul of a traveller, whether your travel inside yourself or across faraway lands. Your independent nature constantly wants to enlarge your horizon, to discover and to explore new worlds… or its new facets. The word stagnation does not belong to your vocabulary: you effortlessly adopt foreign customs and habits that are different from your initial behaviours. Your lunar sign belongs to the Gemini-Sagittarius axis that is resolutely open on the external world. You display strong assimilation abilities and you adopt your entourage’s habits and customs. Your life setting does not have the stiff character that others need to feel in security. You put up with rhythm changes and your balance is not upset by unforeseen events and contacts. On the contrary, you loathe solitude and you are very comfortable when you have to exchange and to relate to others. There may be a danger that you very cautiously avoid: your adaptation capacity must not turn you into a chameleon and it is important that you pay due attention to your needs and to your personal rhythms.
Moon in House XII
The Moon is in the 12th House. This planetary configuration predisposes to contemplation. You are a loner to the core, and you often let yourself be carried away by mental images and imaginary journeys to the centre of your unconscious. There is something reassuring in these moments of mind wandering. You forget your daily life and you escape from reality. On the family plane, this taste for solitude may bring about a few adaptation problems, since you feel that you are elsewhere.
Moon Dominant
If the Moon is part of your natal chart's planetary dominants, in astrology, you are said to be a Lunarian: the driving force behind your actions is mainly the pursuit of well-being and tranquillity. Your sensitive and romantic self lives on those periods of rest during which you let your imagination wander at will. This is your way of finding inspiration and balance. Nothing is allowed to disturb your feeling of fulfilment and security within a harmonious cell, be it a family or a clan. More than other people, the Lunarian is attached to those moments during which one forgets one's worries and lets oneself cast adrift aimlessly, with no other goal than to be lulled into an ambiance, a situation, or a perfect moment. Many people do not understand such absences and their meaning, which is to regain strength. These people readily describe you with such unflattering terms as apathy and nonchalance. Never mind! Some inspirations require surrendering as well as striking a balance derived from alternate action and passivity. Your qualities are expressed to the fullest in situations which demand familiarity and privacy. Your capacities to respect and blend into your environment is at least as valuable as some other people's aggressive dispositions. However, you are well-advised to avoid indolence and renunciation out of laziness or indifference.

And, I'm not really going to make a practice out of this, but a friend and I were looking up my charts and it's really interesting to see how accurate it is. So here is my main sign information:

Your nature is impressionable. Your sensitivity is very developed and allows you to feel the influences of your environment and to draw your sensations and your feelings from surrounding ambiances. You are very receptive to your family roots, to your past and sometimes, to history. Your imagination is the refuge where you enjoy diving, on your own. The subtleness of your emotions is difficult to render. It is impossible for a cell – family, social, professional - to function by itself without homogenous references, without a “family likeness”. You are able to convince your close friends to digest their differences and their specificities and to create an intimate relationship in which you can happily show your worth. Should an agent for cohesion be missing, and should everything seem too diverse or scattered, you are probably the most capable to unify the whole group: one after the other, you digest your surrounding characteristics and, as time goes by, you turn into the most perfect representative of your environment. You may need to handle hostility without shutting down the lines of dialogue. You must also learn to develop the fighting spirit that your sign lacks, so that your receptivity can be fully expressed.

If the Sun is part of your natal chart's planetary dominants, in astrology, you are said to be a Solarian: you loathe pettiness and Machiavellian manoeuvre, and you are fond of natural nobleness as well as of direct and honest attitudes. You endeavour to get out of muddled or dark situations as quickly as possible. Your need for transparency may lead you to make cut-and-dried judgments such as yes or no, and black or white. However, your honesty commands your entourage's consideration. At times, you come across as authoritarian. It is true that you never want to be thought of the notable absentee, and that you manage to make people pay attention to you, as well as to your plans and your assessments. To this end, the Solarian sometimes develops a great talent for placing himself under the spotlight without missing a single opportunity to arouse interest. Some other Solarians, although more discreet, still manage to be the focus of any debate, even in situations of exclusion. It is your way of being present even though you are actually not there... More than other people, you appreciate the esteem extended to you. It is useless to cheat with you, since in all areas you consider establishing enduring relationships only with those who love you, admire you, respect you, or express some degree of affection to you. Your will to straighten out your inter-personal relationships is your strength and sometimes, your Achilles' heel. You cannot achieve anything behind the scenes. Therefore, your comportment is marked with heroism, and your stands are devoid of ambiguity, in the sense that your commitments are unfailing, and your rebuffs, final.

So, that's me. A Cancer with Sagittarius Rising and Moon sign. My friends will know that this is definately very much me.  Back to the original thought, I still don't see what it is about me, about my appearance and my personality that is attractive to him.  Sometimes we fall into a silence, while walking into downtown St. Augustine.  And, while I do revel in this, I wonder if that means that we don't have anything left to talk about; when is THIS THING, this relationship, between us is going to end.  And, I really do think I'm starting to fall in love with the guy, in this obviously short-lived relationship.  That's what happens, temporality; I find something good and I end up losing it somehow.  I shouldn't feel this way, now.  Not now!  I should be enjoying this fleeting chance at happiness, at a possibilty of love on the horizon; instead I'm ruminating on it ending.  Once that happens, the ending that is, I'm going to have to rebuild myself again.  Time again for self-reflective tattooing and philosophy books, and lots of trips to the local bar/pub for one-nitghters.  And of course, documenting it all on here.  See you all then!  YEAH!

I need professional help.