I'm sexy, but do I know it

For me, seeing a naked female body is not as shocking as seeing a naked male body.  Sure, I've seen more naked males than females (not including myself in this), but the sight of the male "junk" just hanging there quite turns me off.  So, then what is it about the male that I like, that turns me on?  I've gotten very used to seeing THE BOYFRIEND naked, the sight of him doesn't surprise me.  He's naked on my bed now, having fallen asleep in order to wake up in time for his very early shift start later tonight, his tush so round and ... hairy but that's not important nor does it change the game.  He's sprawled out taking up the entire bed.  In the purely physicality of it overall, his body doesn't turn me on in the least bit.  And then he moves onto his back, and his "junk" is just out there for everyone to see.  But no, I'm still not turned on.  Is the male body supposed to be like that, and the female body very beautiful in order to attract a "mate" for reproduction?  You know, the reverse of most if not all of the animal kingdom.  If this is the truth amongst the human species, then what are the rules of attraction for the male/female equation?

When I first met THE BOYFRIEND, I didn't see him as especially attractive.  In fact, not really, no.  Honestly, he has no hair, glasses, a big nose, shorter than I am; so, no, not WOWZA, HOT TAMALE!  But now, I can't see him as anything but gorgeous.  And all that changed between us was the definition of our relationship to each other.  From just co-workers (but not really) to friends to lovers.  And it moved pretty fast too.  I mean, one day we're just saying hi as we pass in the hallway leading to the outside, practically the next week (or at least it feels like the next week) we're on my bed and I'm trying to decide if I want to have sex with him.  It was the ease of being with him that got me, honestly, the way I talked with him was like we were friends.  Okay, yes, I have a lot of male friends, and I am more at ease with men than women when it comes to friendships.  I have maybe 4 female friends, 2 of which are in Clearwater.

Love, or attraction as it were, knows no rules it turns out.  Not among our species.  What attracts one, doesn't necessarily attract another.  Sure, the media industry in all it's glory puts stock in pretty girls and hunky men to sell their pages and ads, but we all know that is just face value at best.  Yes, that is what the ugly girls and boys say to themselves at night, crying themselves to sleep because no one likes the look of them.  As I have said many times in this blog previously, I honestly don't see why he thinks I'm pretty/attractive.  He says that I'm beautiful and loves my curves.  I have heard that confidence is what is sexy to the other gender.  That's it's the ... "I'm sexy and I know it" look and feel of a person that really puts someone in their place.  I mean, look at the super models and other "sexy" wormen.  They are confident in themselves and in spite of whatever flaw they might have.

So, is that the ONE rule of attraction?  It seems like it is.  Now, to get some balls and start believing in myself.  Lately, I haven't really been believing in myself.  Trying to figure out what to do, what kind of plan to make for the future wears a person down so that they are a nub of their former self.  I hope this doesn't put a damper on our relationship.  I need to figure somethings out for myself.  Then and only then can I start believing in myself.