Naked

So I did it today.  I revealed all of the shit today to THE BOYFRIEND, got really naked and vulnerable with him.  And it went well, I'm pretty sure.  I stayed the evening at his place in St. Aug, went down after my shift ended.  We had sex like two times before I showed my cards.  We were heading outside to smoke; I took him and held on tight, looked in his eyes and asked,

"We're serious, you and I, right?"

He gave me this look that read,

"Why are you asking me this?  I was sure you could tell."

But he just said,

"Yeah, we're serious."
"Just checking, making sure we're on the same page.  Cause I have something to tell you that I wanted to make sure we were at the right point and all."

Heading outside, I leaned up against the rail and just laid it all bare.

"So, remember that ex I was telling you about?"
"The one with the powder problem?"
"Yep, that's the one. ... So, for four years I was abused."

And it all came out from there, just tumbling out of my mouth.  The ins and the outs.  And he just sat there, not really offering up things, not really asking questions, except for this,

"Do you own a gun?  Do you know how to shoot one?  In case this guy comes around again." 

Answer is definately a no, but it made me a little bit better to hear that he cares.  I mean, I know he does.  It's just nice to hear it after such a revelation.  He looked deep in thought the entire time.  After some time of my vulnerableness, I couldn't take it anymore, and tried to make light of the situation by cracking a bad joke.  I could tell that he didn't like that.  But whatever.  I needed it. 

Twice today, however, I told him that I liked him, really liked him.  He didn't say anything back.  Not sure why; usually he does reply in kind.  The only thing that I can think to be the reason why is that it's moved beyond like with him.  And to hear that I only said "like" might've hurt him a bit.  But knowing him, he wasn't moved by it.  Just let it roll past him, like water off a fern leaf. 

I'm not meeting his parents friday.  More like Tuesday, as the drive through town on their way back to Ft Lauderdale.  NERVOUS.  I asked my parents to come up during my mom's spring break for a few days, so they can meet THE BOYFRIEND, as well as the fact that I get a chance to see them again.  Mom said she would ask dad, but who knows if that is going to happen.  Cause trying to get them to come up here is like pulling teeth, with anesthesia mind you; they sleep their way through my life. 

Until Monday, mon amis.  THE BOYFRIEND is going away this weekend, so nothing to add until we see each other after his shift.  Lordy, imagine THAT reunion!  Almost like it was after I got back from Christmas.  Except I'm not on my period, and we might actually have sex without a condom.  Hhhmmmm