Nothing like a scare...

Well, it looks like we might have to deal with leaving each other sooner than we thought.  And certainly not under the circumstances that is ideal.  Saturday I didn't go to the station; instead I went to THE BOYFRIEND's birthday thing with his family.  This morning when I read my work email, I get a one sentence email from my department boss,

"Were you at work Saturday?"

Ya see, I put down that I did work Saturday.  Yeah, I know;  I don't need to be lectured on the finer points of lying on your timesheet.  Which is what prompts the concerning atmosphere surrounding the two of us.  So, I told him when a bunch of us went out for a smoke, early on in his shift.  He got so worried.  The look on his face really said it all:  he didn't want me to have to leave.  He's "attached" to me, and if it was someone else in the station, he wouldn't care, but me, he's "seen me naked."  He reallly knows how to express himself when it comes to feelings.  Such a little boy sometimes.

He came over after his shift.  And we boh laid there in my bed, clinging to each other like it was our last night on earth together, kissing sweetly and expressing our thoughts and feelings to each other.  I practically had to drag it out of him.  He likes me and doesn't want me to go like this.  That we are finally in a good groove together and my leaving would fuck that up.  He asked me if he makes me happy; and he does.  He really does.  I told him I haven't been this happy since high school.  And then we made love.  Not fucked.  Not had sex.  It was making love.  It was sweet and slow and wonderful.  It was like we were falling in love at that second and nothing in the world could stop us.  There was more to the afternoon with him.  But that's for me and him.

He kept looking at me like it was the last time in the world he was going to see me.  And it wasn't going to me.  But it was amazing.  And it took me back to when we first started seeing each other.  To what made me feel so happy in the first place.  There's nothing like a scare to see how you really stand with someone.