"I think I'm falling for you"

THE BOYFRIEND and I spent the day Monday day drinking.  It was a good day.  Up until this point I was not a good drinker, nevermind day drinking.  I hardly drank at all.  My previous experiences with a drinker was never good.  I always had to be the sober one so that I could make sure nothing bad happened, that I was able to take him home when he needed to go home, to say no more.  But with THE BOYFRIEND things like that haven't happened yet.  However, as I noted to two male friends of mine, I have noticed a pattern with him.  Okay, so Monday we were hanging out before going over to The Tavern.  We're just lying there in his room, not really touching or talking; he's surfing the net and I'm really trying hard not to just maul him.  In other words, we didn't have sex.  I think I need to be more aggressive when it comes to that.  If I'm wanting to have sex with him, I just need to ... not really force it, but more like try my hardest to get the message across.  After we have been drinking a bit, we are ALL over each other.  I just don't get it.  Is it like my coworker affirmed for me in that it's because we are starting to get in a groove with each other, and having sex ALL the time with each other isn't exactly necessary because we know that we are still going to be there and it's not "iffy".  I don't even get sweet texts from him anymore.  I'm the one sending them, but I don't get responses back.  But you know, I'm just going to let it go, just let things, with us, go as they may.  This is just the Universe telling me to just let things be, that I don't have to try so hard with everything.  Relax.

Back to after the day drinking.  We were walking home from The Tavern and he stopped me in the middle of the street (it wasn't a busy one, rather a more "back street" kinda road).  THE BOYFRIEND grabs hold of me gently and pulls me close.  It was a moment, a very good, slightly romantic moment.  But we couldn't stay like that for long; a car was coming down the road.  It was sweet moments like that walking home after that.  You know, the usual adulations from the both of us. 

"I really like you.  Do you know that?"
"Yes, I do.  I really like you, too."
"Do you mean it?"
"Yes, I do."

Stuff like that.  When we get back to his place and up to his room, we're on his bed together.  He turns to me and starts lightly kissing me and whispering to me and being very sweet.  He said to me then,

"I really like you.  I think I'm falling for you."
"Yeah, I think I am too."
"You are funny, intelligent and beautiful.  The three things I'm looking for.  And I know you don't hear it enough but you really are beautiful."

See what I mean by somewhat confusing?  He's not like this when he's sober.  The coworker and my roommate both say that this is normal.  That the alcohol is just "liquid courage", and he is feeling confident enough to let me in and know how he feels.  I'm just NOT used to this.  I'm used to a very disfunct relationship.  THE BOYFRIEND then says to me, in between light kisses and caresses,

"You are so good to me, and for me."

Hearing that made me so happy, and fall deeper into what was happening between us.  He continues,

"Am I good for you?  Not just to you, but FOR you?"
"Yes, you are so good for me.  It's been a long time since I've felt like this."
"Me too.  How can one man get so lucky?"

I think I just want sober BOYFRIEND to match non-sober boyfriend, but as the coworker explained it to me,

"Humans are naturally secretive, holding things in until we are confident enough in ourselves to let someone else in, to let that special person see all of us, weak and vulnerable.  Sometimes what is needed is that liquid courage."

And that is why I like him.  I'm talking about the coworker here.  He lays it all out for me, unabashedly and complete.  For awhile I thought I loved that guy.  Just wholly and unrequited.  Because of what he says and does concerning myself and who I am as a person.  He got me, like no one really had before.  But that's all that was:  misplaced affection.  Now, I really like THE BOYFRIEND and I really want things to work out between us.  I am falling for him, just as he feels like he is too.  I've noted that here many times before.  We are just starting to be together, to know and trust each other with our selves.  This isn't misplaced affection; he isn't anything like the coworker.  Well, kinda but not enough for it to be misplaced. 

While we were walking home, we were talking about being happy together and I had said something like,

"You make me happy.  If you're happy, I'm happy."
"Aw, you should be happy for you, not because of me.  Don't be passive aggressive."
"Don't give me that shit.  I like making people happy.  It makes me happy to see that others are.  This isn't passive aggressive bullshit."
"I've noticed that about you.  That you like making people happy."

And I do enjoy making the people I care about happy and feeling loved and well cared for.  Yes, that can be taken advantage of, like it was in the past with THE EX.  But I've learned when to say "No, that's too much for me to handle."  I'm not like the tree in that children's book, The Giving Tree.  I'm not going to get walked all over just to please.  THE BOYFRIEND is starting to understand me more and more.  Still isn't like the coworker.  But I think that's just because he keeps it all inside and doesn't speak much about what he notices about me. 

"I think I'm falling for you."  One of the best things a person can hear.  Everyone needs to be loved and to love in return.